Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Help. Why am I so naked?
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