My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
