I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
