Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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