You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Who died my cat blue again?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
