i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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