now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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