According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
