and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
