Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
