He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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