if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
