Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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