I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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