..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish they made helmets for livers.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
