I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
