I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
