ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
