No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
