If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
