didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
