Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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