I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
