Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
