God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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