3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
