Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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