i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
