I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
