i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
