I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
