it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
