omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
