i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
