Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
