that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
They should really pass out barf bags in church
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
These tits shall not be calmed
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
