Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
