I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
