how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
