just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
