I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
