i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
