me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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