There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
