i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
