I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
