Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
