if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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