We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
