She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
