He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
