defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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