I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
