there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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