actually, I'm a sock model
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
