you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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