I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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