you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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