I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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